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May 5th - a celebration of mexican independence, or whores.
So yesterday I celebrated Mexico at Chipotle w/ some coworkers. a corona and some guacamole to honor another culture. i'm so worldly. however, upon chatting w/ a couple "authentic" mexicans that i work with, i discovered that they don't really celebrate cinco de mayo at all. apparently independence means absolutely nothing to them. which means that, we fat, greedy americans have managed to monopolize and hallmark-ize an entirely different country's holiday. God bless America. I can't wait til we start celebrating Boxing Day (whatever the f*ck that is).
May 5th - a celebration of mexican independence, or whores.
So yesterday I celebrated Mexico at Chipotle w/ some coworkers. a corona and some guacamole to honor another culture. i'm so worldly. however, upon chatting w/ a couple "authentic" mexicans that i work with, i discovered that they don't really celebrate cinco de mayo at all. apparently independence means absolutely nothing to them. which means that, we fat, greedy americans have managed to monopolize and hallmark-ize an entirely different country's holiday. God bless America. I can't wait til we start celebrating Boxing Day (whatever the f*ck that is).
But seriously, Mexico's only claims to fame are Frida and Cinco de Mayo. I can't understand why a country would rather be known for a severe unibrow rather than it's defeat over some pussy frenchmen. on a completely different note, it was nice to drink in honor of every smarmy, gawking mexican gardner that so often celebrates me w/ catcalls, dirty stares and whistling (AY YAYAY MAMI, MI AMORRR, CHA CHIIIS).
my point:
after work a group of fellow assistants went to El Guapo in WeHo to quench our celebratory thirst and hunger. ironic that the only mexican there was the guy cleaning up my beer bottles and quesadilla scraps (please refer to above reference of "holiday stealing"). Thou shalt not covet thy alien's holiday. anyhoo, the bar is packed with fat and thin alike, mainly sweaty drunks cheering on a Laker's eventual loss with bottom-shelf margaritas. we ask for chips n salsa, we get nothing. we don't ask for unfunny, ugly guys, but they arrive at our table promptly.
"the highlight" came when the local news crew couldn't handle the debaucherous scene any longer, so to close their unoriginal news story, they gave two village idiots a baseball bat to destroy the massive donkey pinata dangling in the courtyard. blindfolded - they were worthless. remove blindfold - still can't knock the bitch open. enraged by tequila and Shaq's poor court performance some guy beheads the donkey and what's inside?!?! the tortilla chips we'd been waiting for. chips. inside the pinata. what a bad joke.
the night wears on, people keep drinking... people start talking. granted i've been at my company for 6 months, but i still don't know many people very well (nor plan to). i'm an asshole, i don't try to hide it. i work at a well known agency, with lots of horny, short assistants w/ inflated egos. i know that people hook up and create unecessary work drama for themselves, but do i really need to know about it? (maybe). i was on the front lines of pasts coming to haunt people....welcome to the circus.
within two hours i knew who had slept with who, who wanted to shag who and who never got the chance. um this was in a group of about 15 people. classic quotes include: (AF is "anonymous friend")
AF: "The worst is when you hookup with people that you KNOW are dirty."
why? why would you do this? are you christina aguilera? i don't even like to shake people's hands, let alone rip off their pants knowing it hurts when they pee. even the porn industry has standards (albeit just as low).
Me: "where is our waitress, i need to pay my tab."
AF: "john here has slept w/ our waitress."
Me: "oh really? well does he happen to remember her name?"
AF: "so the guy i thought was cute, has already slept with one of my friends and hooked up with another. how unfair."
how unfortunate. after 3 hours (and a few beers) i easily recognized the types of people, their prey and their patterns. our group had apparently already cycled through everyone, so they began infiltrating other groups who assumably had already shagged each other as well.
i'm not sheltered or conservative, but i suppose i'd never been in this exact situation before and was so glad that no one had any clue what my story was (sans a close few). The only thing these peeps like more than being fuckbuddies, is telling everyone about it. no thanks. who are these people?!? (answer: whores).
It's official, I'm never dating anyone in Hollywood.
viva mexico.
Posted by missy at May 6, 2004 1:04 PM1) That pinata sucked... I mean chips? Jesus.
2) It is actually the "best" when you know they are dirty
3) The guys you hang out with are sick. You need to meet a nice homegrown aspiring actor boy who saved up all his money for a bus ticket out to Los Angeles. When he arrived off the bus he was so overwhelmed.. but decided starbucks was the best way to get his foot in the door. I say you go get a coffee.
Posted by: jeremie at May 6, 2004 9:55 PMthose baristas get pretty good benefits, ya know.
Posted by: becky at May 6, 2004 10:02 PM"benefits". don't get me wrong, i appreciate their dirty advertising. cuts down the dating pool extensively. to zero. blast.
Posted by: missy at May 7, 2004 12:34 PMDon't worry Missy, someday you will settle down with a wonderful lady. Men are too gross for your tender sensibilities
note to world: I AM NOT A LESBIAN.
jeremie, you're not good enough for my sister. ha! i win.
Posted by: missy at May 7, 2004 5:45 PMAh, well there you have it. Send photos when you come out.
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