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Tonight I experienced something very west coast. A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to a friend of a friend’s birthday party. The request came via “Evite”. A service I used to scoff at and refuse to acknowledge (why couldn’t they just send a mass email or call me?). Since 2001, I’ve learned to get over myself and now gladly leave obnoxious comments with my "yes," "no" or "maybe" answer.
Of course this was to be an adult birthday party, so easy-bake ovens and bedazzlers are substituted with well-wishing, titty tassles and excessive purchasing of ten dollar martinis.......
The birthday boy happens to be gay. His evite was pink and sported a large graphic of “Birthday Barbie”. A stereotypical fairy, if you will. A super nice guy; also very petite, hygienic and moody. He has a tendency to pout, judge others and demand things, as though someone should have read his mind and catered to his whim. Mind you, this is fairly typical in Los Angeles. But he’s fun and I’d be in good company, so I was looking forward to the evening out.
Friday was the big night. He had decided on a destination just a couple of days before, which was a tough decision as he wanted to avoid seeing all ex-boyfriends and hookups. I checked the evite for the latest update before I left work, to avoid showing up at some assless-chaps cowboy bar by mistake. I even coordinated a safety and made plans to arrive with my friend aka his roommate.
Friday was also payday, a sad reminder of the meager earnings that get thrown my way bimonthly. For some stupid reason (boredom), I decided to recalculate my budget and compare income to bills. Stupid, stupid idea. Upon realizing that my basic living expenses continue to exceed my paycheck by about $200 a month, I sought solace in Entenmanns’s cookies and scowled at every passing coworker. Perfect party mood.
To mend my sour attitude, I arrived home and promptly plopped myself on the couch to gripe with my roommate and watch bad television (b/c we can't afford cable). About the time I decided to make myself presentable for the gay bash, my friend calls. EMERGENCY!!! Apparently, the birthday boy tried to doll himself up for the big night w/ a spankin’ new haircut. Only, he’s not so skilled with a razor. Yes, as he attempted a sleek, close-cut coif, he slipped and gave himself a honkin’ bald spot…just hours before we were to buy him lap dances.
I could hear him lamenting in the background as she told me how he was ready to call the whole thing off. He immediately shot down the suggestion of “wearing a baseball hat”, since that would be WeHo style suicide…and almost as bad as keeping the three-inch bald spot. He ended up shaving his entire head and crying into the sink. He pleaded that she call the guests and apologize; relaying that there was a last minute emergency and the birthday was postponed…He couldn’t possibly show his head in public that night.
I laughed, and luckily, hadn’t applied any makeup yet, so I delighted in saving some money by laying around and catching up with my phone calls. Still can’t quite get over the fact that the entire party was called off because of a tragic "little" bald spot. Would have been fun though….even better if I’d had the chance to make fun of him in public for it. I’m so evil.
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