Lakers CHOKE

i'm not a basketball person. the playing field (aka court) is too small, there's a lot of sweat involved and i suck at the game. truth be told, there's one thing that ultimately turns me off of bball. it's stupid and petty, but drives me crazy... ready? it's the sound the players' shoes make against the floor. squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak squeak squeaksqueak squeaksqueak squeaksqueak squeaksqueak squeak squeaksqueak squeaksqueaksqueak! i warned you... completely invalid, right?

when it comes to sports, i prefer professional football and Nascar races. hockey and baseball are quite enjoyable, only when at the game. don't really know too much about ice luge, jai alai or bocci ball. bean hole, maybe. point being, i could have cared less who won the NBA finals.... but like any big event, i found myself getting drawn in and watched some of the games while at the gym. i don't think my treadmill neighbors appreciated my moderate snickering upon viewing the athletic spankings bestowed to the precious Lakers.

Last night's Pistons victory was no less humiliating than the previous two games, so this morning, agents and "talent" alike were commiserating, justifying and boasting aaaall over the place. it made me want to throw up.

one of the young commercial agents is a stereotypical Jewish-American Princess. she's always put together, dressed only in designer duds etc. (it doesn't help that her metrosexual assistant tries to outdress her on a daily basis, freak). she calls everyone "sweetie" and "honey" and "oohs" and "awes" constantly. apparently, once she became an agent, her mummy and daddy bought her a new beemer and sent her off to barneys for more shopping sprees. a perfect "LA" personality.

so i found it really hard to believe her when she relished that the Detroit Pistons are her "peeps" and her "roots". i'm pretty sure her roots are somewhere deep within a Citibank vault. now don't get me wrong, she's a very pretty woman and has a lot going for her, but how could i not lose some respect, when i saw her and val kilmer hangin all over each other one day in front of my desk (val kilmer's gone WAY downhill). no morals.

"i'm a lakers girl AND a pistons girl, but when it's the two of them, i gotta go with ma peeps, they're ma roots." she even changed her grammar when "talkin ball". Detroit? really? the same city that gave us Eminem and Tim Allen?!? those are yer peeps? more like the concierge at Saks or the matre'd at Spago are her peeps. other gems include...

"kolbe is THE GREAT-EST pla-yer [ev-er]." dear #1 fan, his name is actually ko-be, no "L".

"SHAQ is unstoppable, he's SHAQ!" was she watching the game?

all the same, LAers are licking their wounds or claiming they knew the lakers were going to lose and then shell out every reason why they choked and played like a middleschool league. overall the players don't give a shit b/c they're gonna collect their money and head off to other teams or jail.

THEN, this morning i was definitely cut off by some stupid non-american of foreign decent* in a 1980 oversized-camper who proceeded to take up 1.5 lanes and go really slow. thank God i kept my distance b/c as we approached a light atop a steep hill, he definitely started rolling backwards WITHOUT ANY REGARDS TO OTHERS, so i start blaring my horn wildly and threw my car into reverse, but the oncoming car behind me didn't seem to think there was a problem b/c he kept heading straight for me.....REVERSE LIGHTS + WILD HORN HONKING + OUT OF CONTROL CAMPER = PLEASE CATCH A CLUE AND DO NOT PROCEED FORWARD SHITHEAD!!!

finally, after he got his thumb out of his ass and rolled back 15 feet, he managed to find the breaks.....or jammed his burrito in the clutch. it totally freaked me out, i'm lucky no one was directly behind me (and that i have catlike reflexes). i know he didn't have insurance...i could see it in his eyes, when i finally blew past him.

man, all this stupid IT paperwork is really getting to me...i'm so crabby. i'm sorry and thank you for reading the vent.

*"Non-American of Foreign Decent" is the PC substitution my coworker gave me for "fucking alien."

Posted by missy at June 16, 2004 2:59 PM