i got sacked!

a wise man once told me, "you'll be fired atleast 3 or 4 times in this industry before you're anything."

okay well i don't really know if he was alll that wise. but for this purpose we shall pretend his was. i'm drunk and writin g this blog. buckle your seatbelts folks, this story is a doozie. don't worry i'll summarize as best i can for your A.D.D. folks.

some of you are familiar with the company that i work(ed) for. it's a talent agency in beverly hills that is rapidly losing clients and agents, need i say more? like seriously, rats on the titanic had a better chance of surviving thatn some of these people.

for a year and a half, ,i worked in the technology department. among many tedious things, it was my job to send out many emails and scan/survey them for security purposes etc. i was good at my job. it wasn't want i wanted to do nor was it rocket science, but i did it, with minimal complaints and with a boss that repeatedly disappointed me. seriously, he sucked. for the purpos e of anonymonty we'll call him "chicklets".

Anyway, before christmas last year, he presented me with my standard joke of a bonus and raise for 2005. he asked me what i thought about it, so instead of graciously accepting, i told him the truth... that i can't survive on the insult of a salary they were paying me and i'd be looking for a new job in the new year. i couldn't take it. i graduated college with honors, and the job pays merely slightly above minimum wage. i was making more money at age 22 than age 25. it's just a toxic, unpleasant environment to work in.

everyone is an insecure egomaniac or they're hoping to be your "friend" only to benefit their existence. you have to search far and wide for someone with some decency. not to mention your fellow assistants rip you new assholes if their boss is ripping them new assholes. the technology department is equivalent to "the help". so you're nothing to anyone with "status" and a car allowance.

in february, they found an internal replacement for me. i revamped my resume with the help of frineds and started sending it out. with minimal results i lost hope and started training my replacement. she's quite decent. not nearly as fun as me...but very competent, nice and interested in learning a lot about the tech side of life. a good replacement.

sidenote: i work with some great guys (chicklets is exempt from that statement)... they are nice, normal guys who genuinely have atleast a slight interest in the welfare of each other. they made my days bearable at this company. they atleast had the decency to say, "hey missy, we'll be sad to see you go." or "you brighten my day" or something along those lines. b/c i am. sometimes i'm just a fucking ray of sunshine.

anyway, my point is...chicklets gave off the vibe that he couldn't WAIT for me to leave. i was like a boil on his face that he coudln't bear to look at or aknowledge. yet when he had to address me, he'd stutter and say, "yeah yeah i'd like to see you succeed and move on." then he'd usher me out and only talk at me when he was forced to. *self esteem shooting through the roof*.

did i mention i've been drinking? right, so....

about that same time, the IT trainer quit, which opened up an opportunity for me to stay on and help with the overflow at the helpdesk. so basically after a tug of war of promises and renigging, chicklets finagled a compromise, so i moved over to the help desk...a demotion of sort, but i didn't care b/c i was with fun coworkers and helping as best i could while job seeking.

so back to the company. it's common knowledge and widely publicized how this company isn't functioning at it's peak. *this is not a news flash*. high profile employees are leaving on a regular basis as well as their high profile clients. so the higher ups have been getting supremely paranoid about information transfers and any sort of info leaks. which is completely understandable. i'd heard of some employees getting the axe for such idiotic mistakes or intentions.

long story short, one guy sends out a really funny email about how he's retiring. i don't know the guy, i've merely forwarded out his large emails every once in a while.....apparently he's gay, a big whig and a funny writer with many clients. two friends who used to work for this company, but have since moved on, chime in via email and phone, asking about this email. i haven't even received the email yet, however all of h'wood is already printing it and it's on every listserve and blog. they are all chatty chatty about it, so absent mindedly, i copy it's contents to them b/c they're getting the text wrong. afterall it's a harmless, funny email (to anyone and everyone OUTSIDE of hollywood's sensitive boundaries).

two days later. missy is called in to the principal's office. i felt like i was fighting for my spot on The Apprentice. after 15 minutes, okay fine, *slap on the wrist*. apparently they caught a handful of people sending this email out... however, i'm an intelligent person. so i know there's more to this. they say one thing, but i see another in their eyes. someone will be made an example, and i'm the one who works in I.T.. i quietly panic while everyone else brushes it off. nightmares ensue, no sleep for the weary.

then today i had an interview. something in my gut felt wrong (and no it wasn't cramps or something i ate the night before)... i went to the interview, it was fine, then off to work. i arrive to news that the head honchos decided to clamp down on all internet access for everyone, things were tense. i put on a good face and went on with biz as usual, only two or three people knew of my indescretion. the day drags on and i'm mid project...when suddenly my new pseudo boss says the principal wants to see us again. *btw - chicklets pretty much pretends i'm dead by this point. there has been zero correspondence to or from him in two weeks.*

ah, so this is it. this is the moment of truth. i play it off like nothing's wrong, knowing full well what i'm about to endure. 20 minutes of HR's schpiel on covering their ass and convincing me not to sue, all while informing me that they "accept my resignation". #1. i can't afford to sue. #2. are you fucking kidding me? don't torture me, just say the magic words and let me get the hell out.

there's more nitty gritty to that part, like how i was deemed a "high security threat"...like i'm a fucking terrorist. i'm considering printing up business cards for a new company, "Hollywood Al Qaida." but it's not necessary for the story. basically HR was great (*surprise*), and gave me all that they could b/c generally i'm liked at that company and they know (or claim to know) that i'm not a malicious or vindictive person. i've put in a solid year and a half there, working for a difficult man and not putting up much of a fight. so they let me go peacefully and quietly, with nothing negative on my record. i resigned.

of course it was a resignation without a happy hour or even a chance to say goodbye to my friends and coworkers. after the principal sincerely asked if i was okay, i was able to shed a tear in the ladies bathroom then go pack up my stuff and walk out. formal escort not necessary.

luckily, i have amazing friends here who are super supportive and boosted my confidence by degrading and tearing down the image of my now former employer...not to mention they took me out for mexican food and stroooooong margaritas...but this has taken two hours to write, so i'm fairly sober now. favorite quote of the night..."missy i can't believe it, but i mean atleast you have a GREAT story from it."

anyway, my main point is BECKY DON'T TELL MOM OR DAD OR ESPECIALLY TAMMY. she'll blow my story faster than Woodward and Bernstein could. i'm now on the fasttrack to getting a new job and i'm convinced i will get one soon so that they don't have to know or be ashamed of their seemingly careless third child. oh and now you can add "unemployed" to that description as well.

so yeah...that's it. no fun links or vital news flashes...just another day in the life of the most long-winded and trivial girl you know. Missy.

fuck...i just had to RAID the scariest f-in spider crawling next to my computer. swell. just fuckin swell. drunk, unemployed girl wielding can of toxic poison. seems like a headline for "The Onion." 2 AM, damn i'm tired.... ...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

oh right and don't you worry, my red mug is sitting happily on my kitchen counter. that was the first thing to go in my standard "i got sacked" filing box. welcome home mug!

Posted by missy at April 15, 2005 12:07 AM