heart healthy

for a year and a half i went to yoga every tuesday. i would follow that up with some cardio twice a week. i was dedicated, i felt good and quickly burned off most of the undergrad bulk and beer i that i'd accrued for four years.

it was great and i had a lot of fun being a cute 23 year old. then i moved to LA and succumbed to the "secretary ass." my schedule was unstable, my paycheck was small and excercising fell to the wayside. it sucked... uuuuuntil my "extended vacation" this summer. amid my fun travels i found i could only look for a job for so long, the rest of my time was spent at the gym. i was looking pretty good (modest, i know), and shaping back up by August, when i got my new job and re-entered "corporate bliss."

fortunately, my new job is going really well...unfortunately, i'm fattening up. i work a lot and there's a decent amount of stress involved...did i mention my company provides lunch? In an effort to keep employees "focused" and chained to their desks, we have absurdly mediocre lunches catered daily. it's a great way to save money, but sunlight has become something i see only through windowpanes, and it's hard to breathe air that hasn't been filtered through a vent. i'm the boy in the bubble.

for those that don't know, i am an executive assistant for three VIPs in the company, one of which only communicates through yelling. WHERE IS MY LUUUUUUUUNCH? I'M HUNNGRRRYYYYY. yes master, it's coming. things like that. we shall call her "the partner." she's vital to the company's existance, uber intelligent and a weee bit demanding. my second boss is very sensitive and caring, yet will somehow swindle you into staying late through his many "thank you's"...he used to work for ronald reagan back in the day. we'll call him "the republican." the third one is a great guy; just one of the guys. he's pretty much A.D.D. and often forgets simple things, like his wallet. let's call him "chip."

for many weeks now, i've been trying to start up "tuesday night yoga" again, but the republican always manages to find some creative way for me to work well past 7 PM. i could feel my fat cells multiplying as they sat stagnant, ten hours a day, in my leather office chair. two weeks ago, i finally put my slightly chubbier foot down and demanded to leave on time (6 PM) for my class. i was a complete disgrace to the yoga community, but i pushed through the pain and vowed to come back the following tuesday...no matter what tactics they'd try to finagle.

fast forward to this week. Tuesday. It was the republican's birthday and i was already scrounging for believable excuses for missing his impending happy hour. maybe i could just go for one drink then bail, afterall, yoga and my health were way more important...right? the repub was on the same mental track and decided to work out with chip in the executive gym late that morning...something he hadn't done in a while...he's a bit of a bigger guy. jolly, if you will.

part of the way through his routine, he called me to order his lunch (the execs have their own chef who prepares their meals)...he was out of breath, which was normal, but relayed that he didn't feel so good. "just take it easy, i'll order your lunch now," i said.... about ten minutes later i got an odd phone call, from the trainer, requesting the repub's medical card. hmmm okay. less than ten minutes after that, i went down to hand off the card when the valet tells me, "el senor hall desmayo y se fue." ah crap, my spanish sucks. oh right, he fainted? are you sure? "si, they left in ambulance." whaaat...stay calm.

over five hours, with only small bits of information trickling in, "he fainted" turned into, "he said he had chest pain," to "he might have had a small heart attack," to "he just got out of the angioplasty and is recovering in cardiac ICU." of course it was WAY more chaotic than that and the day consisted of canceling all birthday festivities, clearing calendars, keeping only essential personal informed and the always happy task of "calling and informing the family and friends that he was 30 minutes from death." have a great day!

ah it sucked. by 8 PM i was completely exhausted, i'd missed yoga (again) and somehow managed not to guzzle the nice bottle of wine i'd purchased for his bday. afterall, he couldn't drink it now, right? i was somehow still THE LAST person in my office. perhaps i should just buy bigger pants. Namaste.

**Next time on "adventures from corporate america," we'll cover, "the morning after...getting to know your boss in a crisis."