dear talblog

dear talblog,

i've missed you. it's been a long time since i've posted regularly and i mainly blame my possessive job. he's always asking me to stay over at his place all day and is always calling me up and sending me emails on my blackberry. he doesn't like to leave me alone so i don't find much time to write to you. luckily, i've decided to stay up late tonight so we can catch up on a few things. i'll probably be tired tomorrow which means job will be mad at me. i'll just stick around a few hours later and make up for it.

where or where do i begin? i'll just pick a few choice highlights from the last few months.

yesterday at work i kept smelling patchouli. it was driving me fucking nuts. i don't have or wear patchouli, so i can't understand where it was was coming from. it reminded me of opening an old drawer or box of my mom's. a somewhat comforting scent, but undeniably obnoxious and headache-inducing. i kept doing the sniff test all around my desk....like trying to find the kid in daycare who just shat its pants. i finally gave up, convinced that my coworkers were calling me a dirty hippie behind my back. never found the source. today it was gone. go figure.

ANTS. it's swarm season here in southern california and bess and i have ants in our apartment. more specifically, ants in our major appliances. lucky for us, we got the stupidest breed of ant that exists on this earth. somehow, someway, they have crossed the barren deserts and climbed the highest hillside to settle in our freezer. CRAZY you say, why would they do that? I. DON'T. KNOW.

one day i opened the fridge and saw two or three scavenger ants that had tested out the frigidair arctic tundra and succumbed to their frozen fate. i laughed at them while a couple of their friends scampered around the perimeter; and i thought nothing of it. "it's far too cold for those things to even THINK about going in any furthur. right. five days later it's arctic-darfur. HUNDREDS of little carcasses are strewn ALL over the freezer in various states of demise. actually no, just one state....frozen to death. all curled up and pitiful....on my pizzas and budget gourmets. GROSS.

on the perimeter some are smooshed flat, just a shadowy ant silhouhette, complete with horrified expressions. perplexing, as i have no clue how that's happening. it's so sick and the last thing i can bear to do is clean out the entire freezer and start over, especially since our fridge is such a POS. bess always knows when i'm in the kitchen b/c all she hears is, "AAAAAAARGH FUHCKING GROSS!" it's a new daily pattern, i open up the freezer door, lose my appetite then slam the door shut again....haha, oooooh. waaaait a minute -- that's how they're getting smooshed! haha. geniOus. (these damn blond highlights are getting to me.) the exterminator is supposedly coming tomorrow. i hope with a new fridge. and pizzas.

FUNERAL w/ a twist. this summer i went to my first funeral. it was weird and sad and pretty surreal. the guy who died was a close friend of my bosses. he wasn't actually a coworker, but was always at my office hanging out with the guys. he was the absolute nicest man ever and would always lighten the mood whenever things were particularly stressful. he was diagnosed with kidney/liver cancer about a year ago and ten months later he died. the whole situation was really sad. he finally gave up the fight a couple of days after his 52nd birthday.

(this brings up an interesting factoid. it turns out that a high percentage of men tend to die on or around their birthday or a major event. like they strive just to see that day, then check out).

so i decided to go to the funeral/burial. after the packed church service, my CFO boss, Mary Ann, and i took a shortcut to the cemetary rather than getting stuck in all the church traffic. this brilliant shortcut included getting on the highway (accidently speeding past the procession)...this was the point when our "FUNERAL" tag flew off the windshield and hit the semi-truck behind us at 70mph. whoops.

now, you need to know that the CEO of my company (who is my other boss) is very fancy. he and his siblings all created lots of wealth, have wealthy, influential friends and remind my mother of the mafia. i finally started to see her point amid all of the handshakes and condolensces to and from throngs of designer-clad businessmen. amidst the grieving family, i searched the horizon for FBI agents, telephoto lenses and tony soprano. just to be safe, i kept my sunglasses on and hid behind people.

as the funeral crowd began dispersing, i looked up to see Andy Garcia (actor/producer/activist) standing before me. before i could run away he had given me a hug, a cultural-respect kiss on the cheek and said "good to see you again." i was stunned. right. um. we've never actually met. you really have no idea who i am, but thanks. yeah. good to see you too mr. garcia! i assume not all funerals are like that one. (other than the sad part).

that's not nearly all i could write, but i'm tired and who knows if you even made it to the end of this rant (i hope so bitches). to end on a high note, you all should know that i think a possum is either fighting with or possibly eating one of the courtyard cats....right outside my window. just great! we've got plenty more.

oooh right, end on a high note. i mean, i had an english muffin for breakfast yesterday with becky and jeremie's strawberry jam on it. DELISH! you guys should make some more...but raspberry this time! you know where to send it.

Posted by missy at September 27, 2006 12:12 AM