Wow, I'm an Idiot

Hello people of Talblog. i have two new mini tales for you. both of which will prove my blog title. enjoy.

#1: so this morning my coworker and i were talking and laughing (loudly) about our former tennis instructors and camp counselors who were deported in the midst of our childhoods, when we suddenly realized that our mexican coworker that sits right near us was indeed DEPORTED FROM AMERICA two and a half years ago. she was formerly the nanny for the CEO's children (but her paperwork expired) and was caught by the feds when they were flying from Canada back to the states at Thanksgiving. luckily she recently returned to the states legally and is working in an office capacity...next to two a-holes.

#2: this past sunday the girls and i rallied for the Pats/Colts game at a bar in Santa Monica. it was uber crowded and there were lots of fun sports fans there, so it was pretty much a'holes to elbows and you had to make friends with the people around you to survive. well bess and i are talking to this guy next to us and we're trying to banter, but i was off my game. i couldn't think of witty things fast enough, so i kind of stumbled over my words (ODD, I KNOW). so then i notice the guy tripping over his consonants as well and i assume he's mocking me, so i flippantly, but directly ask, "are you stuttering to make fun of me?!?" w-w-what-t? "ARE YOU STUTTERING TO MAKE FUN OF ME???" out of the corner of my eye, i see bess slowly turn around and pretend not to know me. that's weird. oh shit. i focus back on the sports fan in front of me and notice that his "mock" stutter is remarkably realistic and rapidly worsening.... f***************************************************************ck. F*CK. did i really just take this guy's social disorder and throw it back in his face? all within mere moments of starting my first beer? yes. at this point he's quite obviously spiralling and can barely start or finish words....i am pounding a pint of Blue Moon. Bess is still ignoring both of us. never having been in this situation before, i dont know whether to run or tell him quite honestly that i cant understand him. instead i helped him finish his sentences (which bess said is the worst thing to do) and changed the subject completely. we chatted until he started spittling and demanding that we do car bombs. doomed love affair over. Bess finally befriended me again, but only so she could laugh at me. smart girl.

it just doesn't end. i will forever be a jackass.