Talblog

crazy frog

are you kidding me, this mutant (not rocco) is outselling coldplay 4 to 1? brits are craaaaaaaaaaaazy! chris martin or crazy frog....EASY DECISION. hmm, well actually, it's a bit catchy once you listen to it four or five times. i meeeean, coldplay 4 life:

crazy frog axel f

msn article detailing the ringtone battle:

serious investigative reporting

like i said, brits are crazy.

Me Mutant, You Not.

Yeah. Just got back from a birthday party at the "new" Abbey in WeHo.

For all those that were wondering. I'm still a mutant in the WeHo community. No one talked to me. No one acknowleged me. Still a pariah. This is why my hermit status is the way it is. No Go Out. No get dissappointed.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!

HAHA

it's good for a quick laugh.

Tom Cruise is a tard

for an even better laugh (compliments of missy)

Shellac is on tour

They are coming to select cities! DAMN! August seems to be when it is happening.

http://www.southern.com/southern/tour/SHLAC

I can't WAIT! also, check out this CYBORG SAUSAGE:

SAUSAGE!

Various Music

Just got around to watching the season finale to SNL. Yeah, I know its Tuesday and why wait 3 days to watch it. Revenge of the Suck Saturday night. Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy Season fin's Sunday. And I can't remember what I did last night. Anyway. The point is Coldplay did a fantastic job for the 2 tunes they did. Bravo. Missy must just hate Gweneth all the more.

Which brings me to tonight's comment. While not a big fan of reality
TV, I had to shoot a commercial for American Idol this year and in preparing for it -- by watching the past commercials they've done -- I got hooked. Its like a bad STD that feels good when you itch it. I can't stop watching it. So tonight after watching the final 2 duke it out (even though the final three were quite good) I realized as sad as this sound, I might be compelled to purchased Bo Bice's and Carrie Underwoods CD when they come out. For that matter, Vonzel's too (only cause it will be a great ass spanking diva fest).

Ok let the mockery begin.

Bush Poo Flags

http://www.indybay.org/news/2005/03/1728717.php

welcome to jeremie's scat blog.

mo' links

i'm not quite sure how i acquired this first link, i was going through my "favorites" and poof, there it was. i think somone IMed it to me and i never got around to checking it out, perhaps it was blogged here before and i'm recycling, or maybe my roommate met him online.

anyway, the stories are hilarious, eventhough this guy is an ultimate asshole. he's definitely alive merely as a warning to others. must reads are "sushi pants" & "tucker tries buttsex" - the worst sex story i've ever read/heard about. seriously, terrible. the second is just what it appears, i kicked beyonce's ass.

world-class dickhead

chick fights

Missy's cake blows out my o ring

Her ginger cake, not the chocolate one, gives me mad gas. I have been killin myself on the toilet the morning after each piece of cake, but for some reason, I can't stop eating it.

It is delicious, soft and flavorful. The cream cheese frosting is probably the reason. She left us some mini cupcake versions too, so i could bring them in to work and give them out as ass kissing cupcakes. Lucky I didn't... they would have been ass flamin cuppy cakes for sure.

I'm Engaged.

I know I don't post here much, but I thought this was worthy. Mark, I need to call you back!

extreme home makeover

i'm bored. and when i'm bored (and/or unemployed), i try to get creative. normally that means painting is involved and lots of late hours. unfortunately, late hours don't work so well since granny becky and jeremie "work" and fall asleep a bit early for my slacker taste....the lady of the house was snoring on the couch by 10:25 tonight. in fact, i'm waiting for jeremie to walk out and tell me to "turn my music down" pretty soon (it's not loud).

wow, my point: i am channeling ty pennington. becky and jeremie were planning to paint their bedroom last weekend, only i drove my ass up here and crashed the party, taaa-daaaaaaa! what a wonderful present. and since my life has absolutely no worth or purpose right now, i decided to extend my trip and take on their project. besides, i love spending other people's money in the name of something wonderful.

bad news: their color swatches varied from "unimpressive" to "eh". but hey, it's not my room...after meeting up with jeremie, brett and jason for lunch yesterday, i stopped by Osh to pick up the paint. Dutch Boy...i hate that paint (too thick). well the gods were shining down on me and the paint mixer ended up being broken. even badder news: the next nearest Osh was in some town the employee couldn't pronounce. i didn't test his intelligence by asking him to repeat it. however, in clear english he said the mixer would be repaired by the end of the day. well it was 1:30 PM and i wasn't waiting. dialed up jeremie..."hey please pick up the paint on your way home and don't forget some sandpaper."

i head to their place and actually take a look at the walls. woah, they suck. holes, divets, cracks, random marks, crown molding.....this will be more difficult than imagined. not to mention they have ten foot ceilings. i'm five foot seven and they have a plastic step stool maxing out at eight inches. not gonna happen. the molding lines the room around 8 feet so that's where the paint will stop. i moved some furniture around, taped off the room and waited for the necessary supplies. nada. 7:30 PM rolled around and jeremie came home empty handed. the Osh employee had lied to me and jeremie was annoyed at the lack of paint so he forgot the sandpaper. boooo. next step, "hey jer can you finish taping of the last little part of the room and make sure to move your minor furniture out too, thanks?

well apparently they thought ABC would be rolling in to take care of the rest. as usual, i finally fell asleep late, counting off the numerous anxiety ridden tasks that keep me awake these days, and woke up to the blaring sunrise and sounds of becky and jeremie getting ready (definitely around 7:15 AM). as i dozed in and out, becky calls out for me to help her move the bed...piss off, i'm sleepin'. "are you sure?" zzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzz. becky moseys out to work around 8. by 9:30 i'd already received a call from an L.A. friend, summing up the morning radio show and a few emails. damn you working people!

i threw myself off the couch by 10 and set off to prep the bedroom. i walked into their room and felt like a parent coming home to see the sweet destruction of their teenager's raging party the night before. only there was no destruction, it was the exact opposite. EVERYTHING WAS EXACTLY WHERE I'D LEFT IT. full glasses of water on upright bedside tables, rugs laid out, alarm clocks and lamps plugged in, and a big fat bed in the middle. HELP ME OUT PEOPLE!!!

okay i know the bed thing was my fault b/c i couldn't move at 7:45 AM, but they were clearly expecting helper-fairies and gnomes to show up chanting a catchy tune. grumpily, i gathered everything up, ripped plugs out of walls and moved the thousand pound bed and dresser to reveal the largest colony of dust bunnies this side of the rocky mountains. calling mr. swiffer. i started searching their garage for paint brushes, sand paper etc. negative on the brushes. negative on the sandpaper. ack! but i DID find a travel mug of moldy coffee. sick. everyone will be pleased to know, i ended up spilling that all over myself and the single paint roller i found.

by 11:30 i was showered and out the door with directions to the Marin OSH as well as Home Depot. I checked out the maps online and was all set b/c hey, i'm a smart girl and don't usually have a problem with directions. (*foreshadowing*)

"you should be there in 20 minutes" was jeremie's comment the night before. i crossed the golden gate, passed through san rafael and by 20 minutes was looking for I-580 Richmond Bridge/Francisco BLVD.... i see "Detour - Richmond Bridge" off the 101. well clearly that's similar. WRONG. it was the "shortcut" directly to the damn bridge. this apparently overshot my exit. halfway across the mile high mass of steel and bolts i dial jeremie.... no answer. damnit.

Richmond has a ghetto. guess how i found that one out? when i passed by a condemned building displaying a "GOMPERS HIGH SCHOOL" sign, i felt it was time to turn around and hit the gas. do ghettos not believe in naming their institutions after dead presidents and war heros?

jeremie calls back "uh yeah, don't go over the bridge"....no shit? he provides another set of directions and an incorrect projected amount for the toll i would have to pay to re-enter society. i was supposed to go to OSH, but i saw Home Depot on the horizon. done. finding a similar swatch shouldn't be hard. i stood there analyzing swatches when i was overwhelmed by the smell of boiled hot dog. ew.

(note to readers: i don't eat hot dogs anymore. probably because i consumed about 4,000 of them when i was a child. cooked and/or uncooked - i loved all pig n cow parts. however, if it's a corn dog, that's another story...mmmm, corndogs).

sure enough, i slowly peered behind me to see a frizzy-haired little girl, smiling in a cart, with remains of an exploded hot dog on her face. her loving mum had wheeled her up right behind me so she could get a better look at the disney paint swatches. yesssssss. amidst the hot dog schrapnel it appeared as though lil blondie also lost a fight with the condiment stand. right about now, she squawked at her keeper who exclaimed "OH YOU ATE ALL OF THE HOT DOG!" i hate to break it to ya mom, but i don't quite think she ate it, so much as tested it's smearability. i'd recommend the semi-gloss for her room...cleans easier.

forty bucks later, i'm back in the car with assorted sandpaper, brushes and a tub of beige paint...i'm sorry, Parisian Taupe. i chose it b/c i liked the name...and b/c becky and jeremie didn't answer their phones when i called to confirm a base preference. either way, it looked like their shitty Dutch Boy swatch. they were thankful.

1:30 PM and i'm back on the road - thoroughly directionally challenged...i totally know where to go. wait a minute, no i don't, i took a detour to get here, nothing looks familiar. shit. 580 West, that makes sense. done. "Marin/San Rafael" right two lanes. ah crap...cut over two lanes, thinking i'm getting on the highway. nope. it was a damn real exit. shit. okay...circle circle...back on the highway. wait i'm heading 101 Norh. EUREKA. no no no. get off. head south - 580/Richmond/Francisco. wait, that's the Richmond Bridge up ahead. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. damnit. turn around. 101 N - Lucas Road. ah fuck, definitely the wrong way. call becky. "uh yeah, you're going the wrong way." turn BAAACK around, cursing myself... all while leaving disgruntled messages for friends in L.A... finally becky calls and directs me to the yellow brick road back home. roooad rage.

see this didn't have to be an issue. i was fine taking 580 to oakland then cutting back over the bay bridge to get home, but noooo, i decided earlier that i wanted to go shopping at The Village in San Rafael. sometimes i hate myself.

after some minor retail therapy and NIN on the dial i was right as rain. at 3 PM, i crossed the golden gate and started spackling, sanding and wiping down the walls. don't worry, in the process i managed to knock over two glasses of water, wrap myself around cords, hit myself in the face and choke on wall dust. but the happy couple was able to come home to an almost complete first layer of paint. they even got me a beer. jeremie lightened the mood by lamenting after this whole mini-debacle played out, "oh yeah and i just remembered there's a sherman williams right around the corner." *smack*

i shall be up with the sun again to apply the second coat and finish the job. i love removing the tape. i hope it looks less "taupe-y" and more "awesome" when done. i apologize to those (if any) who read to the end of this blog. it's seems terribly wordy and un-entertaining (refer to: i-have-nothing-better-to-do).

who's up for something fun tonight?!? it's 1:50 AM, way to jump the gun miss.

What a Bitch

"Man Charged With Stomping Mother Goose, Babies To Death
Suspect Said He Felt Threatened By Hissing Goose" - from NBC News, New Bedford..

Read on

a walk in the park

it's official, i'm going to make my "NO SOLICITING" t-shirt.

there have been multiple minor stories on why i want to make this shirt, for example:

flashback two weeks, venice, california:

i took an afternoon walk down to the beach. on my way back, about two blocks from my house, semi-residential street...i'm listening to my bochpod when i realize a white bronco (or some similar ride) has started cruisin beside me...some sketch-face dude (we'll call him OJ) is leering out the window. *ugh*. he asks me to stop and motions for me to approach him....right about now i'm having flashbacks of "Strangers n Dangers", the board game my mom got me when i was 10, warning minors of every pervert society has to offer. kinda like a street version of Candyland. the goal being that if your little plastic kid made it all the way around the board, you'd never be kidnapped or molested... phew, i ROCKED that game.

i stayed on the sidewalk and asked fitty cent what he wanted. he makes some ghetto "come on baby" lil' jon-video facial expression...(*swoon*). at this point i notice there is no visual on his hands, they're concealed by his door and he's making no attempt to show he's "harmless". Strangers n Dangers would suggest he's packin a piece or shaking out a roofie (recall i don't live in belair, so my streets are patrolled by tax payers dollars).

i ask what he wants...."ah baby i got some questions"..... uh, okay like what? .... "liiiiike, what's yo' name, what're yo' plans, yo blah blahb halbhbkahha." sorry dude, not interested and i continued walking. he slowly followed me half a block. then i mentally freak. fuck he's in a car, how long has he been following me? WHERE ARE HIS HANDS? i'm close to home, DO NOT GO HOME.

thirty-five minutes later, after i've weaved through blocks and alleys, circled the taco truck, practically walking backwards, i made it to my front door. my male neighbors were smoking in the courtyard and i thankfully provided detailed descriptions. they're response, "does that really work? i mean should i start picking up girls that way?" ugh...NO.

fast forward to today:

i'm still in san francisco, enjoying unemployment and becky & jeremie's apartment. this afternoon i applied for a job, then got a bit bored and decided to go on a bike ride to the beach...only i couldn't find the "dildo looking thing" to inflate the bike tires (jeremie's description). no dong-pump = no bike, so i resorted to plan B. i slipped on my ass-accentuating plum yoga pants (mistake #1), hoodie, bochpod and walked up to golden gate park with a book of short stories in hand. (i figured i'd read while throwin back some pricey tea).

mindin my own business, i passed multiple joggers, women with strollers and the such. one guy in particular had run past and stopped at his car, i didn't pay much attention. when i walk i think a lot, it's what i do. so as i rounded a hill up to Stow Lake, a particularly funny memory popped into my head and i started laughing to myself. well it was a windy afternoon and my hair was down, so as i was laughing and brushing the hair out of my face i looked over to notice the sweaty dude deadlocked on my face. *oh shit*. i couldn't tell if he thought i was laughing and smiling at him or he just liked what he saw, but i knew that probably just played out in his mind like a doublemint commercial, slow mo.

i tried to look away, but he had already motioned for me to stop. *damnit* i didn't want to be uber-rude and ignore him, but i was in no way interested in a random curbside pickup. i slowed and removed one of my headphones, he was catching his breath from running and asking me my name, (apparently in a pinch, my name is carrie)... i think he said his name was Mike, the wind was carrying his words away and i kept moving. he asked me to stop and chat, i politely called out that i was meeting someone and had to go, he asked me out to dinner, i panicked for an answer but still scrounged up a classy, "thanks but no thanks"...most of the time they stop talking to me by now.

he wasn't creepy at all like the others, i think he was just taking a chance which was kind of endearing (about 10% endearing, 90% please stop talking to me) at this point i think he panicked b/c he was grasping and still gurbling things through the breeze. so i looked back one last time and he threw out, "I'LL GIVE YOU LIKE 200 DOLLARS!"... uuuuuuuuuuum, WHAT?!?! at that point, i laughed, declined in disbelief and put my head phones back in. i think he kept talking, but i didn't turn back...i'd just catch him appreciating my ass or calling me a bitch. tonight he's probably thinking about it, pretending i was a supermodel. and i'm pondering what i could do with 200 bucks. mike, call me.

i pressed on, ignoring all humans and made it to the japanese tea garden without further incident. it was almost closing time, so i snagged the last cup of tea and read until i could no longer handle the thespians in front of me. somehow debating madonna's acting skills in "Evita" and Andrew Lloyd Webber's mediocre mass appeal was NOT high priority for me. oh but just in case you all wanted to know, when you're feeling down or don't want to see all the crappy movies that are made these days, "everyone loves 42nd street, i mean who doesn't love it?" i should have raised my hand. what was she gonna do, punch me?

some randomness:

old asian men have lots of phlegm. as i meandered out of the tea garden i happened apon two who were seemingly ridding their entire nervous systems of all mucus. why aren't elders socially concerned about how they dispose of excess body fluids? i mean, maybe they were trying to mark their territory, "get out of our garden white girl," *haaack pattoey*

why do people congregate to people? more specifically, if a person is standing in an empty field enjoying their space, why do strangers feel the need to invade it? this is something i initially noticed while studying in Europe. once when i was standing in a nearly empty plaza in Pamplona and again on a rainy afternoon at the Louvre, passerbys walked OUT of his/her way to pass within two feet of me...often forcing me to back up. AN EMPTY PLAZA - plenty of space for everyone. when i brought this up to my classmates, they agreed this happened all the time. if it's NYC, fine, i don't expect to have much space...but this was socially weird.

i only bring it up b/c it pertains to "part two" of my walk in the park. near the end of my trek i decided to circle Stow Lake again (mistake #2)...for those who've never been, stow lake is a very pleasant little spot, with a big pond encircling wooded paths and built up trees, a waterfall, big red pagoda thing and plenty of wildlife. about every 50 feet or so there's one or two big long benches facing the lake. around 7:15 PM it was fairly sparse, people-wise. i wanted to finish reading my short story, so i stopped at a little clearing with two empty benches complete with wading ducks, poking pigeons and blackbirds.

not more than four minutes later an old man and his 11-ish year old grandson roll up on their bikes....TO MY EXACT SPOT. i looked left, looked right....empty benches as far as the eye could see. i brush it off. they start speaking, only it's not english. sounds more like german, definitely eastern european. intriguing, no big deal. then they start holloring and laughing about things i couldn't understand. dear happy people, please move left or right about 30 feet. sincerely, i-was-here-first.

it got better. instead of enjoying the ducks and birds as his grandfather tried, the little shit decided to scare them all away with the flare (read: annoyance) that only 11 year-old boys can execute. ducks were squawking, pigeons garbled and i lost my concentration. and when i say "scare away" i mean he would start screaming and run at them so they'd fly frantically INTO MY FACE . his gleeful bird-scattering was accompanied by a hideous "blah blech boogety boogety blah blach" roar. then he'd join his beaming gramps again and they'd share some sort of Hallmark moment while i checked myself for bird shit. after three or four "we're gonna leave, i mean scare off more birds" fake-out attempts, they finally sensed my bitch-dar and rode off into the sunset, literally.

i finished my daunting William Faulkner story soon after and walked back to 21st avenue, steering clear of any creepies achin' for a dinner date and all water fowl. why can't i just appreciate someone asking me out (maybe b/c they're not normal), no wonder jeremie calls me a lesbian. but i'm not - (not that there's anything wrong with that). *ugh*.

almost painful

Another tormented teenager in love (supposedly he made this video for his girlfriend.) This isn't as good as numa numa... hard to miss: his sheets on his bed paired with some sweet dance moves...

(I think you might have to have Windows Media to view this)

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/aicha.html

and how bout this HIGH ENERGY talent:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/miraclejackson.html

Laughing is very healthy for you...

don't believe me....see for yourself

i found a job!

whaddaya guys think?!?!

Like to show off your body?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-71866562@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-05, 3:44PM PDT

I am looking for a girl who doesn't mind working in nude in my office.

The more open minded, the more you get paid. Up to $8000 a month.

I am really serious if you are. Serious inquires only.
Emails with no pictures won't get responds.

this is in or around 818

Compensation: Up to $8000 a month

The future

This is an amazing science/art installation piece... read the description:

Click Here

Random List

Groceries I would like to buy, but don't know how to cook well.

A list:

-Mussels
-capers
-yeast
-crab
-calamari
-sherry
-saffron